Joey: 0:13

Welcome to our episode three of I'm Not Gay. You Are with your host, Joey, that is me. Today we have Brandon, one of my really good friends. I'd love to introduce you. Say hi to the people.

Brandon: 0:25

Hello everybody. How's everyone doing today?

Joey: 0:28

Tell us a little bit about yourself, how we met, and we're going to get into your story a little bit.

Brandon: 0:35

A little bit about me. I am a Taurus Gemini, rising Capricorn moon, so do with that what you will. We met at a lovely restaurant that we worked at together we shall not say their name no, you left me there it's very sad, but we will continue on me and brandon have.

Joey: 0:52

We share like the same kind of communicative, like friendship and like lifestyle, I guess. So it was super easy for us to like hit it off when I first met brandon, and I am so honored for him to be the first guest on our podcast because I feel like he's got such good life experiences, um, which he's going to share with us, and the way he communicates is like my language too, so I'm super stoked, I think it's going to be really fun and I feel like, yeah, you're so sweet.

Brandon: 1:20

Thank you, this will be fun thanks for being here. I can't wait.

Joey: 1:24

Our first topic and point today is we want to know your coming out story. So you know how old were you when you, you know, realized that you wanted to be with men? Or you know how early on did you realize that you were gay, and how did that? You know, unfold, and who did you tell first and you know how did that. You know unfold, and who did you tell first and you know how did it feel to to.

Brandon: 1:48

You know, come out so we're gonna take it way back when I was in grade two, I think, and I never knew what it meant. But there was this one older guy when I say older, I think he was like in grade five and I was like, oh my god, who's that? Never knew what it meant and like moved on with my life. And then in junior high I kept getting that, oh my god, you're gay, just be gay already. We all know that you're gay. But I, of course, didn't accept that in myself or really like acknowledge it, until in grade nine I turned the corner and there was this beautiful boy that had returned from grade two and I looked around and I was like, oh my god, I think I like dudes oh, it wasn't the foreign exchange student that came in.

Brandon: 2:28

They were like oh, no, it was just a sweet little homely boy that I had met in grade two and then he came back and I like turned around the corner and I was like, oh my god, you again do you?

Joey: 2:39

do you know if he identifies as gay too?

Brandon: 2:42

no, he's very straight, very christian, very religious views.

Joey: 2:47

I guess that walks straight into your type. Now then huh.

Brandon: 2:49

Yeah, I've got a little problem here with me and my straights, but that's fine. You know, we all grow up and move on. Yeah, so I remember talking to my best friend at the time. She was this girl that was also super religious, but very accepting and kind of like, helped me get through it.

Joey: 3:04

Okay.

Brandon: 3:07

So it was also super religious but very accepting and kind of like, helped me get through it. Okay, so in school I had come out in grade nine and then in grade 10, I had met my gay best friend and that's when my parents started being like hey, we have some questions for you. So one day they texted me and they were like we're going to have a family meeting and immediately I knew I was like, oh my God, they're about to ask me the question I don't want to answer.

Brandon: 3:22

You knew, yeah, I knew right away and I texted all my friends. I was like, oh my God, it's happening, I'm getting sat down, what do I do? And they were like, just be honest and go with it. So then, that's the day I came out. I really honestly think it was because of the time of Glee was really big.

Joey: 3:46

So then they were like oh, and wants to be with the girls all the time. But you had, like when, like in my episode when I was telling the podcast about you know my kind of experience, mine was, I was very, you know, surrounded by like a lot of women and like I, I didn't really play with barbie, so you had like the uno reverso of experiences for me. But yet here we are, two gay have, like you know, the same kind of views and values and like so I feel like, yeah, like tell me, like you know how, like who was your best friend? Like you know you you'd mentioned to me that you know it was more.

Brandon: 4:20

You were surrounded by like masculine, like influences and like yeah, so growing up it was me and my dad um, my parents had split when I was younger, so my dad had tried everything like let's get him into sports, let's get him into taekwondo, and of course that was not where my interests were not taekwondo yeah, like karate you name it, I was.

Joey: 4:39

Tell me what belt you got. I was white.

Brandon: 4:41

I quit yeah, they started hitting me with a bamboo stick and I was like lynn, get me out of here 100.

Joey: 4:47

I was like this is not from, that's my dad. Oh, okay, when I get angry.

Brandon: 4:50

I'm like lynn, get me out of here oh cute so he really did try. He's such a guy's guy and I'm such a girl's girl yeah that like it. Just it never really clicked and I think that was probably maybe a like interesting point in our relationship is he kept trying to be like baseball hockey do this and I'm just not that.

Brandon: 5:11

So I wasn't very close with my mother at the time because we had separation so I didn't have like a lot of strong female influences until I started having my girlfriends. And then when I had my girlfriends, my dad was like why are you trying to ask to sleep over at a girl's house? You're a boy and I'm like but I'm a girl's girl babe. Yeah, they don't get it, no, they don't.

Brandon: 5:31

But all of my friend's parents were like we're not worried about Brandon, and my dad obviously just wasn't paying attention at the time that I was trying to play with.

Joey: 5:39

I mean that's awesome, though, like I said, it's such a different outlook and a different upbringing from me. I guess you were thrown into sports. Literally thrown, literally I pulled out my inhaler every time and I was like oh, asthma, no, thank you.

Brandon: 5:55

I can't run. I've got asthma.

Joey: 5:58

For my next question nature versus nurture and what your experience and your personal experiences how do you feel like that affected you? Do you feel like you were born gay or do you feel like you were nurtured into being gay? Do you think it's like a handful of of things, what like? What's your opinion there?

Brandon: 6:20

I think I was definitely born to be gay. I am, against all odds, like being raised by my dad, like he's very redneck and he like tried to have that masculine son, but like my personality is just a flamboyant little homosexual man that wanted to just be who I was and I think that was part of my dad's journey is maybe he had a lot of like masculine things about him and he had to learn to accept a little bit of feminine sides too, right, yeah, okay, that's fair.

Joey: 6:50

I like that. Um, so you would say you were born this way and it was nature's way yeah, as much as they tried to nurture it right out of me as much as the taekwondo yeah, and the hockey sticks tried it was not the stick I was interested in. Yeah, it was not honey and not the ice skates that you wanted to wear no, I wanted to be the figure skater actually. No, I'm terrible, I could see it. I don't know why.

Brandon: 7:15

I could see you figure skating no, my god, I look like pambi on ice. My best friend is a figure skater and she's talented and I just look like wretched. Just like who put the old lady on the ice.

Joey: 7:27

Take her off you've got like that little um, that zimmer frame that they give to the kids when they like get on the ice and like you have to like push oh, that looks like a walker. Yeah, literally nana on ice they call it a zimmer frame in england. I guess it is called a walker here.

Brandon: 7:41

That's so funny oh yeah, because you grew up across the pond I did.

Joey: 7:44

yeah, and I feel like with this podcast as well, there's so many different users that like our listeners that listen to it, and it's hard for me to direct my vocab to like one audience because I'm I live here so I know the canadian slang and north american terms, but then I quickly, while when I'm talking, I can have to like dissect it for my British listeners. So I'm like, oh well, You're just so worldly. I just what can you say, You're?

Brandon: 8:12

just going to go with that.

Joey: 8:13

Maybe I'll translate into Spanish as well, and hit a new market.

Brandon: 8:17

Hit a new market. Oh my God, pass you.

Joey: 8:20

Pass you. That's so funny. What struggles did you face when you were younger versus now, and how do you overcome that? And what have you learned growing up?

Brandon: 8:31

Yeah, so I think when I was younger and being given like just being with my dad and having to like be, like no, I don't want hockey, no, I don't want to do certain things, I guess it was kind of a battle of like internalized homophobia, because I remember starting grade 10 and like this is before I was sat down and asked about, like are you gay or not? Um, I had signed up for like electives such as auto body and like reconstructing cars, which was interesting, and like a skill.

Brandon: 8:59

I'm glad I learned, but that's not where my passion is. Like I look back at it and like now that I'm in hair school and like that's something I want to go forward with, that's something that was offered in my high school.

Joey: 9:09

And I need to state right now your hair is beautiful. Thank, you no one can see it, and that's the worst part.

Brandon: 9:13

Well, you know, it's on the Instagram. You can hit follow, subscribe. It's called Debra's mom. Yeah, it's pretty fun, I love. But I just wish that like I could have had that like internal reflection or maybe like a little bit more support and I could have found my passions a little bit sooner. And it wasn't until I met a really inspiring trans woman who lives her life every day authentically at such a young age. That inspired me to be like why can't I go do that? Why can't I be authentic within myself and reflecting on it now? Now I guess it's a life lesson that I had to learn and like go along in my journey. But I'm happy now and I've done a lot of internal work and acceptance and I'm just here to live my life yeah, everyone's gonna have to get on board I love that good for you, honestly.

Joey: 10:02

That's so empowering to hear it's very nice, just like appreciate somebody else's journey and like see that within yourself, like it's not all the same, but just knowing that there's other people, and like building that community around you and like there's other gay people, there's other queer people, and just like totally be gay right and I feel like, talking from this internalized homophobia standpoint, from my experience, like I've mentioned before, I isolated myself from the community and like from other queer people, because I was scared that it would put me into a category and a box that I wasn't ready to be in yet or categorized as so I really isolated myself and I think, growing up in those development years, I was scared to be a part of the queer community and and, like you know, go to gay clubs and do all all the fun stuff, because I was scared that I'd get hit on or I'd be scared that I'd, you know, fall in love with a man, truly, and I wasn't ready to be there yet.

Joey: 11:04

And I feel that looking back, like as you're talking about life lessons for you, like that's definitely like something that I would look back and teach myself is like don't be so scared, like just go and like their sexual orientation shouldn't matter, like you know who you hang out with and stuff. And this internalized homophobia had me so secluded from this community that I should have lent on for support, because look at where I am today and realizing how far I've come to, I feel like, yeah, like it's listening to you talk about a certain someone who I do know.

Joey: 11:38

Um I mean it's pretty cool yeah, that's so nice, it's so awesome to hear honestly like it was like very refreshing.

Brandon: 11:45

Thanks for sharing that yeah, you want to know something funny go on when I first started in the gay community and I was sneaking my way into the gay bar at the very young age of 16, which I should not have been I was terrified of drag queens, which is they're all my friends now, but I remember walking in and I was like oh my god, that's a man in a wig or a person in a wig and I just like I could not.

Brandon: 12:07

I was like what are they doing? What do you mean? And now I'm so inspired by all of them and they're just authenticity to like give a performance and wanting to be themselves and like standing up for other people and I'm like how could I, at 16, been so afraid of someone being so themselves?

Joey: 12:22

oh, I love that. That's so beautiful and yeah, I know you're right and the creativity and like how far that our communities come and like um accepting oh, I love that, that's awesome. And you, you are like I feel like you're like the drag queen leader here at vancouver, like I feel like you know everyone in the city I'm just the biggest drag queen fan now and it's just so funny for me to look back and be like what the hell were you thinking?

Joey: 12:47

now you love them all okay, so for the nitty-gritty questions and getting into the real stuff the juicy tea the raw tea. Um, okay, I want to know um about your first experience, um with a man like same sex, like, talk to me about that, like I. I can see you smiling, I can hear you smiling oh god, I remember it like it was yesterday.

Brandon: 13:17

Um. So I was in grade nine and I had this friend who was already in the high school that I was going to be going to, and he had messaged me and he was like hey, are you trying out for the performing visual arts program? I was like I don't know, maybe are you in it straight away.

Joey: 13:31

He's like a theater boy coming in transfer. I was like okay.

Brandon: 13:36

So we ended up like texting every day and then he was like do you want to? Hang out, so we started hanging out. He had a car like he was older. I hadn't learned how to drive yet and I was like, oh my god, this is so much fun.

Brandon: 13:47

Um. So one day he had picked me up from my house and we had went to the park called griffith woods, which if you're not from calgary it's like the forest area, so it's very secluded. And we had we're walking down the trail and he's like, oh, come over here. And we found this like secluded little area where we laid down on the grass. And then one thing led to another and suddenly I had my first dick in my hand and I was like, what do I do with this?

Joey: 14:11

Yeah, there it is.

Brandon: 14:13

And like this might be a little TMI. So sorry parents, if you're listening, but I am circumcised and he was not, and I hadn't seen one before before and I was like, oh my god, this is so much fun to play with.

Joey: 14:26

Yeah, and, honestly, you know what's funny? We were just talking about this, but, um, like off the mic. We were talking about, like, how different dicks are oh my god, there's a wide like, obviously I know that that sounds so dumb saying it out loud, but like, especially when you see your first dick too, you're like oh, I have one that doesn't look like mine. So like, what do I do with this one?

Brandon: 14:45

or you know, oh my god yeah I remember being so nervous I was like it's just extra skin at the end of the day and it's fun to play with. But I was like, oh my god, how do I? Handle this like am I doing it right? And I remember there just being so much pressure, but like we're also in high school, so like nobody really cares, you're just having fun.

Joey: 15:03

So was this guy out like? Was he gay or?

Brandon: 15:06

yeah, I don't know if he was out with his family, but like he was in the theater program like I'm pretty sure he was out within school it screams yeah, but what's funny is I don't think we made it past the summer, so then when I started going to the high school, we weren't speaking anymore.

Brandon: 15:20

We would see each other in the hallway and be like yeah, the hair flip yeah, always we can't see it but always known for a dramatic hair flip, wouldn't I love that yeah, and then one very interesting first time experience this is when I like lost my real virginity is we want me and my best friend download a grinder and we just figured out what it was from this British TV show.

Joey: 15:46

Grindr. Oh okay, they should sponsor this podcast at this point. I'm like there's going to be a lot of features of Grindr, so I'm like ugh, pay us.

Brandon: 15:55

But we didn't have iPhones back then. I had a BlackBerry, so I had an iPod Touch, so we created an account together.

Joey: 16:01

Wait, they only released the app for iPhone.

Brandon: 16:03

Yeah, like Blackberry didn't have.

Joey: 16:05

Oh, I didn't know that.

Brandon: 16:10

I mean Android may have had a thing back then, but nobody has Android.

Joey: 16:13

Sorry, yeah, we're not trying to seclude you out, but if your messages don't turn blue, and then I'm not replying.

Brandon: 16:20

Very odd, sorry. So we had an account together, because that's what best friends apparently do, but everybody thought we were dating because you know couples on grinder together. So a couple had messaged us and we had no business going over there at the age of 15 and 17 so was the profile, like both of you like. Oh I see, I see it was like a dual little like frenzy pic like a selfie, and of course that's what couples do, but we had no idea.

Joey: 16:45

It's our first time on Grindr. How old were you?

Brandon: 16:48

I was 15 and he was 17. So I was probably a little too young to be doing what I was doing.

Joey: 16:54

You were curious.

Brandon: 16:55

A little older than what I should have been playing with, but that's fine. So we ended up at their house and then high-fived each other and into the bed we went. I love that. Wait, did you go with your best friend? Yeah, first time's a foursome baby.

Brandon: 17:10

First time when there was, there was four dicks including mine well, you know yeah, it was there, it was there wild, it was there um interesting, okay, um what? It's speechless. I want to be like what did you learn from this? But, um, to slow down and you don't always need to go into the room with the older man, yeah and I think that like that's like I think maybe the elephant in the room here as well.

Joey: 17:38

Sometimes, like with grinder, I feel like just because you're going to meet up with someone doesn't mean that you have to fuck them or like do anything with the vibes need to be yes, and it's okay to say yes, yes, yes, and like be like sorry, I'm good, yeah absolutely, I agree.

Joey: 17:51

I feel like, um, I've definitely been in a situation before where I've met up with someone that they didn't necessarily oh this sounds awful to say out loud but like look like what they perceived to look like it was like old photos or misused photos, or their age was like lied on their online profile or whatever. So I felt like I was welling my right to be like you know what. This doesn't feel right and I don't. I don't think I want to go forward and like it was nice to meet you, but unfortunately I'm gonna see myself out, kind of thing I wish I would have learned that at a younger age.

Brandon: 18:24

But I do remember when I started learning, like this guy picked me up in a truck and I was like I need out, so I'm gonna go, thank you, and I walked home. I was like your body, your choice yeah, absolutely good for you, right yeah empowerment.

Joey: 18:36

Yeah, you should have been like. Actually, can you drop me off at home first, please?

Brandon: 18:39

yeah can you actually turn around? You're like I don't want to walk. No, I literally was like I don't care, I just need out of this vehicle.

Joey: 18:44

You're not who you said you were fair, that's totally fair being gay is so fun honestly, yeah, like I guess, like online dating, that's like I suppose that's like potentially could happen with anyone like you know, in any coupling situation, like straight gay, like you know so, but I feel like it happens more so on grinder and like in the gay world, just because I feel like so many people get away with it and they or they're hiding their identity for whatever reason, and that's totally okay oh yeah. Non-gays oh yeah but, but we've all been there I'm sure there's a few at our work.

Brandon: 19:23

Your work oh yeah, you left me.

Joey: 19:27

Let's talk about what pride means to you, and I'll let you decipher that question how you wish to take it.

Brandon: 19:42

So what does pride mean to you? Thinking about it now, and like being an adult, it's definitely a lot more wholesome than when I was in my younger 20s. When I was in my younger 20s, pride was just a party. It was somewhere to do illicit things and meet random men that I wanted to do things with. Um like almost like an excuse, like a like just an excuse, to be like blackout wasted for four days, drugs in your pocket, douche in your back pack, ready for anything that comes your way prepared yeah, I had this little backpack during pride when I was younger and in it I would carry like a screw top douche nozzle that you could stick on any standard size water bottle.

Brandon: 20:21

I'd have my prep uh toothbrush and a pack of gum and deodorant, because you never knew where you were gonna end up that is the gay travel pack yeah, it was like wait what?

Joey: 20:30

there's? A douche nozzle that you can put on.

Brandon: 20:32

Yeah, you can order it off of amazon and it just like screws on top of like a tasani water bottle. So like you would be like, oh, I'm going to this guy's house, I'm going to stop off at 7-eleven, go to starbucks, use their bathroom yeah, rep yourself, get ready it's always the cleanest and the people there like aren't gonna be, like oh, you need a code to get in, because it's nine dollars for a coffee.

Brandon: 20:50

So yeah, and like usually I would get one. So coffee do shreddy go? Nowadays I kind of look at pride as like spending time with my community and like the queer people that I love. Obviously there's like a lot of drag influence in my life so I like to go to their shows and like show my community and like the queer people that I love.

Brandon: 21:04

Obviously there's like a lot of drag influence in my life so I like to go to their shows and like show my support and like I'm not really a big parade fan, I think it's kind of like rainbow washing, like I don't need td bank throwing their pride pins at me because for the 11 or 11 months like I don't get a discounted rate. Like where's my gay rate?

Joey: 21:22

literally uh hello, I want to open a savings account, um, give me the gay rate like you want to give back to the community.

Brandon: 21:29

Lower that interest on that credit card.

Joey: 21:30

Boo-boo, I don't want that damn rainbow instead they're like dming you being like you've reached your account ballot limit and you're like excuse me, I'm gay they're like you're an overdraft.

Brandon: 21:40

I'm like I live in vancouver and I'm gay. Where's that discount?

Joey: 21:43

literally I'm like I saw you in july or august or whatever. The gay pride in vancouver it's in august.

Brandon: 21:48

Yeah, I saw you where were you when I needed you? Huh or bell mobility like where's my discount for being gay? Where's my 10 off?

Joey: 21:55

true, we're talking about that. I saw the rogers kind of taking over the rogers, canada kind of like yeah, they took over shaw yeah, but but they had such a big presence at Pride, did they yeah?

Brandon: 22:09

I was at the parade festival. I was at the very tail end.

Joey: 22:12

I was collecting the badges, the free badges.

Brandon: 22:14

Yeah, and what's that doing for you now?

Joey: 22:17

I got no discount codes. I mean I think it's a good way to be inclusive in the city and to bring people together. Do I agree? Rainbow Washing? I would probably say yes, in the sense that these larger companies that can afford to be in the Pride Parade because you have to pay. Did you know that?

Brandon: 22:38

Yeah, but why are we having companies pay to be in the Pride Parade? I guess it pays for the events.

Joey: 22:42

But I guess. So I think the money goes towards especially incouver. It goes uh, I'm gonna inappropriately speak, I don't know actually who it goes to.

Brandon: 22:50

I can't remember yeah, we should probably google that before we.

Joey: 22:53

Well, I think it goes to like I think it goes like vancouver pride society or something like, something very similar to that. It's like it's government driven, like and you know there's a lot of events and stuff that they do, but it doesn't go to charity. It doesn't go for like research, for, like you know, prep or, like you know, health care for, like gay men or, you know, maybe, the him clinic him.

Brandon: 23:12

Is that right him?

Joey: 23:13

yeah, yeah, capital him is gaga that's right, um, I have a funny story about them one time and I'm gonna share it. It's do it.

Joey: 23:21

It's oh god, it's gonna out them so bad, but one day I'll share that it's you're not gonna give me the tea now I went and within the him clinic in vancouver or like I don't know where they're like canadian wide, but the the purpose of the clinic is to go and be tested should you have had like uh any like same sex or activity, I guess like sexual activity, and they can like give you drugs or whatever you might need, like you know, if you have like infection or if you want to like research on, like prep and, like you know, try and stay safe. They also like about free condoms and a bunch of a bunch of stuff. But there's a lot more to the clinic than that. I'm just that's very surface level. Um, for the use that I needed it for, I had unprotected, unprotected sex with uh a man that I wanted to go and make sure that I was, you know, clean.

Brandon: 24:16

Still, I shouldn't say that word, that's wrong that's a very old school term but, like you, just wanted to make sure that you were safe yes, that I hadn't contracted any viruses stis why am I so? I get my walker right now. I am 90 and it's coming out okay.

Joey: 24:35

So yeah, I wanted to make sure that I I had no, had not contracted any stis from this potential partner. So I went and they were like, oh, like I run online that you didn't have to use your name and you can go like pretty much anonymous they don't ask for a health care card or anything. And so, yeah, I was yeah.

Joey: 24:57

And, coming from England, I didn't have a health care number. So I saw an opportunity to go and get free health care, because if I went to my local GP they would bill me as an international person, plus all the medications, you know, lab fees, all that on top, whereas the HIM clinic would cover that for me as, I guess, anonymous, I don't really know where the funding comes from maybe it's that parade that we were just bashing. I hope so. I hope they get something from it.

Brandon: 25:26

I'm sure they get funding somewhere.

Joey: 25:27

They have to well, so I went there and then I did all the testing which obviously costs a lot of money for like life labs and like the blood testing and all that stuff and they have to send all like the HIV testing off. It's like Ontario and stuff. So I know there's a lot of cost incurred with that, or incurred or encountered.

Brandon: 25:48

You know I think I'm dyslexic or just fucking stupid, but so english language is hard it's the hardest language in the world have you ever tried to learn like any type of chinese, because that looks so hard to me but wait, I actually heard that english is the hardest maybe I'm just being naive, I don't know that's probably like a white. I tried to learn spanish once and I had to drop out of that elective.

Joey: 26:13

I could speak Spanish, but I forgot Hola. No, it's hola.

Brandon: 26:18

That's no, you're a hola, oh.

Joey: 26:23

Okay, but the purpose of this story was that I got treatment from them, or should I say I got got, you know, screened by them and then, um, I didn't end up needing any medication or anything. I turned out I was, uh, clear of any stis, which is I was very grateful of, but what, uh what did happen three months later was life labs called me with a bell?

Joey: 26:48

oh no, I know the collections yeah, literally, and it was a hefty bill and I was like, do we live in america like that? That doesn't have the price tag on it, honey. And I at first I was like I'll just fucking pay it. And then I was like, actually wait a minute. I didn't give my personal health number, so how did they link this to me from this appointment? And they had found me in, like, the system because I gave my real name and my date of real date of birth. I guess they had found me in the system and like I just thought, oh, it's this gay man here, let's charge him international person so I I freaked out and I was like, is this supposed to be an anonymous service?

Joey: 27:28

and I didn't give my personal health care number and, like you know, the the clinic I went through, you know, reassured me that I wouldn't have anything to pay and that I, this is anonymous and this is like you know. And then they, they were like really like upset on the phone like life labs, and they were like, oh, like we're really sorry. And I was like, no, because if, like, I actually was maybe not out and say you called me and I was a husband with two kids and the wife in the car. And I pick up the phone and you're like these are your test results and your overdue life labs bill that you owe. And I'm like, could you?

Brandon: 28:06

imagine that would be life-changing to somebody.

Joey: 28:08

That's shocking well because when I answered the phone I was on loudspeaker in my car and thankfully no one was there to know that my test results were due, pending and that I had to pay for my life labs bill. But at the time I was like, like I said, like if this scenario was different, that's, you can't just go hunting people down that have come to you in confidence not in 2024 no honey.

Joey: 28:32

Anyways, I hope the pride, the pride parade, pays for their funding, or something I'm very curious where they get their funding now.

Brandon: 28:38

It is usually a very good place to go.

Joey: 28:40

That's where I get my prep from, so okay, well, talk to me about prep real quick, because I'm I've never used the product and I I would love to know more and if you could educate me on that.

Brandon: 28:52

PrEP is a little blue pill that I take every day to make me 99.9% immune to getting HIV, which then turns into AIDS. The reason I chose to be on PrEP is I don't hook up all that often with other men, but what I like about it is if I can be a part of the solution to stopping the spread of aids, then I feel like, as a gay person, like I've made kind of a difference because of all the people that have unfortunately passed away. If I have access to this medication and say I have the ability to be a part of the solution, why not? But that's my own personal choice. I know medication isn't for everybody and condoms are just effective, so so do your research.

Joey: 29:34

Make the right choice for yourself like I know you're not a doctor, but like what does the pill actually do? Like it, does it prevent contracting the disease or does it kill it, or like say if it enters your body, it like kills it, it like doesn't.

Brandon: 29:45

I could be completely wrong, but from what I know is it like stops it from developing into hiv okay but most people now who have hiv and are on the proper medication, they have what is called being undetectable, so they can't even transmit it to you. So there's positive, there's positive undetectable. Lots of different statuses that you can have, and just being educated on the different ones is very smart yeah, I agree.

Joey: 30:12

Um, thanks for sharing that. I, like I said, I've never used um prep before. I'm going to be oblivious here and say that I don't think that it's big in europe and I don't. I think it was when I when, maybe when I moved here it was like dribburyases or something.

Brandon: 30:29

It's like a new product that they're kind of like distributing it was very much so like gatekeeped by the patent that it was under. It was very big in California. Eventually they lost like the patent to it so they could make a generic version, which is what blew up in Canada. There's lots of different programs that offer it for free Canada-wide. Everybody is included. You don't just have to be a gay man. I know a lot of sex workers who are female who have to again. They're terrified of getting HIV as well who are allowed to be on it.

Brandon: 31:01

It's for everybody, but for gay men specifically there's lots of local programs. In Alberta it's Freddie. They operate through different provinces In here in BC I go through him. So lots of different clinics, lots of different options. But they also have a new drug called Doxy. Have you heard of that?

Joey: 31:18

No Doxypep.

Brandon: 31:19

So you can take it after you have sex with people and it's a drug that stops, like syphilis or chlamydia gonorrhea.

Joey: 31:27

I just did some research for the vancouver pride uh society and it just says that they have corporate sponsors and it says that they're grateful of the sponsor support of many businesses and organizations. And then find out how you can support, oh there's td bank yeah, nice to know their pins, don't just?

Brandon: 31:42

mean pins. They are putting their money where their mouth is oh and condoms. They're a gold sponsor um honestly, I've never paid for condoms before, because every clinic I've been to offers them and at parades they're thrown at you.

Joey: 31:56

So I mean, yeah, I agree, no, yeah, they're, they are they are thrown at you, but you know what be gay condoms safe sex is important, but it is funny how like you see like kids walking around with like condoms off the street and I'm like let me put that down that's not a water balloon, you don't need that, yeah, or like you see them all like blown up on the street, because like we're kids and like people just open condoms and blow them up and like throwing down the street does that happen or yes?

Joey: 32:20

yeah, I've seen that okay, I thought it was just like making shit up, but I was like I'm pretty sure I've seen like the balloon elephants of the condoms going down the street I've never seen it in the shape of a balloon elephant, but I've definitely seen balloons that were condoms just blown in the wind and you're like, oh, it was pride last week so that makes sense. Literally all the foils on the floor.

Brandon: 32:37

I'm like crack or directs question mark oh, depends what neighborhood you're in, yours maybe, oh I'm moving, okay, I like it over here. It's cute like your apartment, your apartment.

Joey: 32:49

My apartment's nice, but my neighborhood delicate.

Brandon: 32:54

Delicate, that's a good word to put it, it's a delicate neighborhood.

Joey: 32:58

Okay, so for our last question, I want to know, after all your experiences and life lessons and what you've been through and talking to us today, what advice would you give someone that may be struggling to come out, or, um, that might be someone that's struggling to address their feelings, um, towards same-sex relationship?

Brandon: 33:22

my best piece of advice, and this is just based off of my own personal experience.

Brandon: 33:26

But having at least one friend that like is your best friend, that you're very close with and you can be open and honest with, is, like, the key to my survival. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this, like certain people in certain phases in my life and their lifelong friends, who have given me nothing but love and support. But without them and their inspiration and just like their ear to listen, I wouldn't be where I am. So find that person, find who you, their inspiration and just like their ear to listen, I wouldn't be where I am. So find that person, find who you can trust and just be open and honest with them and hopefully they can be open and honest back and you'll just build like a small little community for yourself and hopefully that's enough to make you feel confident in who you are.

Brandon: 34:07

And it's okay to be afraid I wish more people said that but it's okay to be afraid of being different. But you'll get through it. Every day is a new journey and just because you have one bad day doesn't mean the rest will be, so keep going oh no no, that was really sweet.

Joey: 34:26

That was, um, it's, it's. It's crazy that when I fire these questions at you, like it's, it's a very raw response and um, it's, it's crazy like where you pull it from. You know, like as you talk about your experiences and growing up and stuff, it's crazy like where we pull these answers from in these questions. And I was just saying you know, off mic, I was like it's very it's raw, like it's it comes out of you and like you listening to you talk about, like, your experiences, it's very validating for me to hear too and like that there's similarities in our stories and you know, listening to you talk about your experience and your upbringing and you know everything that you've learned, like there's a lot of value there and it holds a lot of value. So I think talking about this on the podcast and having people listen and hopefully you inspire someone and empower someone to be confident in who they are and make the decisions they want to make, and well, thank you, you're so sweet I'm happy you came in and then we could chat um.

Joey: 35:29

I'd love to have you in the future.

Brandon: 35:31

I'm always happy to come back. I'm always happy to have a little chat with you. Thank you for having me. This has been so much fun. You're welcome A little deep dive into a little pocket of my life.

Joey: 35:41

Yeah, honestly, it's very inspiring, very proud of you.

Brandon: 35:44

I'm very proud of you and this podcast, so thank you, thank you.

Joey: 35:54

Oh, you cast, so thank you, thank you.

Brandon: 35:56

Oh, you're so cute thank you for listening.

Joey: 35:57

Um, always tune in every wednesday for a new episode and be gay, honey. I'm not gay, you are, that's right baby.